Silly Songs with Star - My Old Man's a Dustman

Announcer (speaking): And now it's time for Silly Songs with Star, the part of the show where Star comes out and sings a silly song. Today, Star is playing his banjo and singing on top of a trash can. I wonder why...

Star: Now, here's a little story. To tell it is a must
About an unsung hero who moves away the dust
Some people mat a fortune, others earn a mint
My old man don’t earn much
In fact, he’s flippin’ skint
My old man’s a dustman, he wears a dustman’s hat
He wears gor-blimey trousers, and he lives in a council flat
He looks a proper nana in his great big hobnail boots
He’s got such a job to pull them up that he calls ’em daisy roots!”
Some folk give tips at Christmas
And some of them forget
So when he picks their bins up
He spills some on the steps
Now one old man got nasty
And to the council wrote
Next time my old man went 'round there
He punched him up the throat
Oh, my old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat
I say, I say Les' (yeah?)
I 'er, I found a police dog in my dust bin
(How do you know he's a police dog?)
He had a policeman with him
Though my old man's a dustman
He's got an 'eart of gold
He got married recently
Though he's eighty-six years old
We said "'ere, 'ang on dad
you're getting past your prime"
He said "well when you get to my age"
"It helps to pass the time" (oi!)
My old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat
I say, I say, I say (huh?)
My dustbin's full of lillies
(Well, throw them away then!)
I can't, Lilly's wearing them
Now, one day while in a hurry
He missed a lady's bin
He hadn't gone but a few yards
When she chased after him
"What game do you think you're playing"
She cried right from the heart
"You missed me, am I too late?"
"No, jump up on the cart!"
My old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wears cor blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat, I say I say, I say (not you again!)
My dustbin's absolutely full with toadstools
How do you know it's full?
'Cause there's not mushroom inside!
He found a tiger's head one day
Nailed to a piece of wood
The tiger looked quite miserable
But I suppose he should
Just them from out the window
A voice began to wail
He said "oi, where's me tiger's head?"
"Four foot from 'is tail!"
Oh, my old man's a dustman
He wears a dustman's hat
He wear cor blimey trousers
And he lives in a council flat
Next time you see a dustman
Looking all pale and sad
Don't kick him in the dustbin
It might be my ole dad!
Announcer (speaking): This has been Silly Songs with Star. Tune in next time to hear Star say...

Star (offscreen): Oh, wait, I haven't seen my dad in eons! I wonder how he's doing!